manage a difficult conversation with emotional intelligenceprofessional mermaid tail bag

Right? Why does EQ matter? It happens all the time. /F18 20 0 R But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby: This is Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, and you're listening to the Love, Happiness and Success podcast. /BM /Normal /ProcSets [/PDF /Text /ImageB /ImageC /ImageI] /SA true The Enterprisers Project is an online publication and community helping CIOs and IT leaders solve problems. And again, it requires so much self-awareness to stay in a good place, stay open, stay receptive, not make the faces. 8 0 obj Identify relationships where its worth having these conversations and those that require clearer boundaries. About the Presenters I wanted to bring that up because we're talking about having difficult conversations with people and in relational contexts that are important enough and that you care enough about to do this kind of hard work, and those are the relationships that you want to invest in. >> >> That is one of the reasons why talking about what you want to talk about in advance with a coach or a therapist can be so helpful. 10 0 obj It's your responsibility as a healthy person to protect yourself from toxic people, abusive situations, and to do what you can to protect other people who need protection from toxic, damaging, and abusive situations. We can do hard things when we're motivated to do so. If that's feeling super-duper hard to do on your own, always okay to reach out for help. If you wade into a difficult conversation without getting clarity around that in advance, it is very likely that the energy and intensity that goes along with saying those kinds of things for the first time will be perceived by the other person as critical, blaming, or even hostile or attacking. /Resources << How do I stay connected to this person? When we can find the sweet spot between these two states, we are much better able to separate what happens out there from impacting what happens in your head, he says. It takes a lot of work on yourself in order to be able to get into this place and learn how to do these things. /TrimBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] Remember: If you are in a healthy relationship with someone who loves you and cares about you as much as you love and care about them, it turns into an openness and willingness to exchange ideas. They might even start like shaking. And also, I think sometimes reminding myself, if I want to have a high-quality relationship with this person, this is what I need to do. /StructParents 3 /X4 11 0 R /F11 16 0 R So, there is a lot of pre-work to do to prepare yourself to have a difficult conversation. That's all for today. How would I like this conversation to end? /MediaBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] /F11 16 0 R >> It is true for progressives who really want to talk about diversity and inclusion, unless you're an evangelical Christian, because that is not okay, right? All of those are very deliberate things that people who are good at difficult conversations do very deliberately to keep themselves calm and kind of soft and centered and emotionally safe, even, to have constructive, connecting conflictconstructive conflict, believe it or not, is the thing. But if you have been someone who has recently emailed me or gotten in touch through Facebook or on the blog at growingself.com or Instagram with a question about how do I handle talking to my elderly white aunt about her sort of internalized racism? And so as so often the case in so many of our conversations here on the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, one of the most important skills that you can cultivate to have constructive conversations is the skill of self-awareness, particularly as it relates to emotional intelligence. Learn essential skills in having constructive and productive conversations. Why is this important for me? And that I'm willing to participate in that and help create that.. (Least helpful?) /TrimBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] Where is this coming from? So, either grab a pencil and notebook or open up a note app. If you and someone on your team constantly butt heads on strategy, you might try the power of a positive no to find some common ground, suggests Kantor. And that that is certainly true for many women as well. When faced with a difficult conversation, most people respond in two ways. /Contents 18 0 R Here are some questions you can ask yourself: After youve gone through your difficult conversation pre-game checklist, the next step is to move past your internal narrative and run a mile in the other persons shoes. If you would like resources on boundaries, how to set boundaries, how to have healthy boundaries and still have friends, how to set boundaries with family members, how to avoid unhealthy guilt when you've set appropriate boundaries, again, I would refer you back to the blog at. /Type /Page In most cases its not the content of the conversation thats usually the known. When you really listen to another person with compassion, respect, and empathy, they do make sense. Not bottling them up can have a positive effect on your well-being, productivity and importantly your relationships. And our role in difficult conversations is to learn what those are. to bring yourself back into a better headspace and continue difficult conversations. But this, this is how do we create connection through difficult conversations. Certainly, things like interrupting, jumping to conclusions, rushing to defense. There's an unequal playing field. Many people avoid having difficult conversations because they are afraid of conflict. >> I sincerely hope that this discussion about how to have difficult conversations has provided you with not just an understanding of why tough conversations are so critical to have, but also some concrete pointers about how to have those hard conversations go well. /XObject << We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. In my therapy and coaching sessions lately with clients, there's been a lot of discussion around either both with couples who have different perspectives and belief systems or individuals around how do I maintain a relationship with someone who has a very, very, very different belief system than I do and one that I might even find morally offensive and just absolutely wrong? If you put a pulse monitor on their finger in that moment, it would be going at like 110 beats a minute. American Management Association is a world leader in professional development, advancing the skills of individuals to drive business success. Who do I need to be right now to make that happen? And coming back to, What are my intentions for this conversation? And understanding some basic do's and don'ts that will allow you to talk about important things we don't want to hide, but do so in a way that helps you create the ideal outcome, which I think for many of us is to strengthen your relationships, increase connection and understanding and have it be a positive thing for all involved, as opposed to an unproductive conflict, because I think we've had enough of that in our lives. 2022 Executive Coaching Connections, LLC All rights reserved.Privacy Policy. >> It will turn into a bad conflictual moment. Next, demonstrate how the request would likely compromise those shared values: Given the scope of the enhancement and timeframe, we would not be able to thoroughly test it before releasing it to our clients. You can't tell the internal experience that they're having. We all want to bring our best selves to work, but certain situations or even people can make that difficult. Think about the conversations in your life that you would maybe rather not have. And so being able to have strategies in place to help you manage your emotions, understand what kinds of thinking or behaviors lead you to feel anxious or angry, and having a little toolbox of skills and strategies in place to help you feel calm is half the battle. And it's hard to do. We grow through difficult moments. /CreationDate (D:20200605193749+00'00') Its hard to feel happy, confident, and competent if you dont know how to believe in yourself. Just the fact that you're listening to this right now and thinking about how to have difficult conversations with courage and competence just says so much about you and realizing that I think when you grow in this area, it becomes really obvious when you see other people struggling in these moments. How do you shift those into more productive ways of thinking? All rights reserved. And to be thinking about how does this make sense from this person's perspective? ]. After all, they are just a bundle of characteristics and behaviors, just like you., [ How does your EQ stack up? If you are in a healthy relationship with someone who loves you and cares about you as much as you love and care about them, it turns into an openness and willingness to exchange ideas. We grow when the other alternative of staying the same is ultimately less comfortable than the discomfort of growth. We have to talk because I know that if I don't talk, I will withdraw. You can absolutely understand why and that none of us has a monopoly on the truth. To continue learning and growing in this area, here are a few more resources for you: I hoped this episode provided a roadmap for having difficult conversations that strengthen connection and understanding in your most important relationships. If you are in a relationship that is very important to you and you are trying really hard to have constructive, productive conversations, and it is just not going well over and over again, that would be an indication. , where you can access resources to help you be a better listener and communicate more effectively. You can just be done saying no. The key to not reacting emotionally in critical conversations is to learn to regulate our emotions, Azulay notes. CK t /2 P Ju|^ws @Wt p[96Czku7 pi; DLc[ lJw9'u \P{#e*H] pA/Hz#rRwm u ;Rto NlJ-gtw \P;)5zQ. Understand how to deliver feedback and constructive criticism effectively And I personally believe that we all could benefit from having intentional conversations with the goal of understanding those perspectives and seeing the good and the humanity in everyone, as opposed to reinforcing our ideas about why I'm right and you're wrong. And I would also like to add that this is hard. And if you are going into interactions with people with very not just sincere intentions, but strategies and skills like the ones we've been talking about today, you have the right to be respected and to also be heard, not necessarily agreed with, but understood. Good luck! But if you've said it a time or two to someone, then you can go into the real conversation just from a space of calmness. So, it's these little micro-moments. Now, you think that's hard? /TrimBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] Seek to truly understand their point of view and their underlying thought process. In addition to these podcasts that I make for you, I have so many people, therapists and coaches on my team with me at Growing Self who are always cranking out articles and advice and tips on our blog at. How is the situation impacting me? and get really clear around what's going on inside of you and what it is that you would like to communicate to the person that you would like to communicate to. Learn how to reject the diet mentality, trust your own judgment, and embrace genuine self-love. Avoid going into conversations seeking only to persuade someone or change their perspective. /BleedBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] These tough conversations are hard to have. The pre-work involves the emotional intelligence skills we've been talking about and being able to regulate yourself, keep your thoughts in a good place, have the most noble intentions in the forefront of your mind, and also have a lot of empathy for the person that you're talking with and an awareness for them. for podcasts and articles on all of those topics. Are you in an unhealthy relationship with food? These kinds of conversations, this kind of emotional work is an investment in your futurean investment in the future, in the well-being of others. She is energized by supporting organizations that are working to develop women for future advancement through community and meaningful education. You can use these strategies with your partner, kids, friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and more. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Before you start a difficult conversation, you need to understand how your brain processes emotions. /X4 11 0 R Which part of the episode was the most helpful? Dr. Schaefer is the co-author of Meaningful Alignment: Mastering Emotional Interactions at Work and in Life. /CA 1 And I am here with you every week to talk about different facets of the life experience and offer you ideas and strategies and support that help you create the love, happiness, and success that you deserve in all the parts of your life. So how can we be more intelligent and effective in these tricky situations, how can we be Emotionally Intelligent? /ExtGState << How do I feel about the situation? What are their core values? . Perhaps its giving feedback on poor performance to a junior colleague, a tough fee negotiation, delivering bad news to a client, saying no to your boss. https://incometaxprepfillmore.com/. 1 0 obj And where is it actually, not just appropriate, but important to set very real and firm boundaries with people and protect yourself. .. We might overthink the situation, often deciding for ourselves how the other person is going to react; anticipating that can push us to try to control the conversation so that emotions are kept in check. While there is something to be said for knowing when to mind your own business and respect the healthy boundaries of others, it's also true that if you're avoiding having conversations about things that are really, really important to you it will eventually damage your relationship whether or not you address it directly. Learn what causes romantic jealousy, how to handle it, and why it might be a good thing for your relationship. When we are overwhelmed, a part of our brain tends to shut down to protect itself. /Parent 2 0 R What kind of relationship do they want to have with me? so that you enter into the conversation without too much negative energy. Thanks for taking the time to listen to this episode and triple-thanks if you're one of the courageously kind, heart-centered people in the world committed to having respectful, difficult conversations that heal. And so I just want to offer that as an idea to you, that embracing the discomfort of these moments and breathing through it and reminding yourself that this is what growth and connection feels like is being authentic, being vulnerable, feeling hard feelings and doing the right thing anyway. This is what I want. And who do I need to be right now in order to make that happen?. Or you can also, if you haven't already, bookmark the blog at growingself.com, because a lot of the resources that I'm going to be giving you is kind of follow ups. As opposed to wading into this kind of emotional space with someone who is not going to reciprocate with you. And that I believe in my belief system and I think other people should too. Her expertise has positively impacted companies worldwide including BNSF Railway, Bank of America, Fresenius, Capital One, and CVS/Caremark. This can go a long way towards helping someone maintain a productive emotional state. And as a couples counselor, I can assure you that when I am working with a couple and each person on opposite sides of the couch is feeling victimized and mistreated and hurt and uncared for by their partner, when you walk into their perspective, you can understand why. Prior to coming to AMA, McNally led marketing efforts for the National Association of Professional Women and Professional Diversity Network. . I am the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. and has even more strategies for what to do in those moments when you become flooded or when your conversation partner becomes flooded. And I hope that the information that I shared with you today has provided a roadmap for how you can have the kind of conversation that you want and have it go well and lead to increased connection and understanding in some of your most important relationships. 5 0 obj Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. And I see a lot of my clients struggling with that. Lauren McNally is the director of the American Management Associations Womens Leadership Center (WLC), leading content, membership, events and corporate initiatives. >> We do not have to agree with each other about the solution or the perspective or what is the truth with a capital T. What we do need is a sense of mutual understanding, to be able to say, When I look at the situation through your lens, through your belief system, through your set of life experiences, through your values, through your expectations, I can understand why you would feel the way that you do. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. If not, here are some quick tips if you have a difficult conversation coming up. Gossips also delight in drawing others into their toxic conversations. Their little faces get red. It is important for us to talk about this topic because there are a lot of difficult conversations to be had lately. Dont share intimate information with gossipmongers. . Three ways from scientific research toregulate our emotionsduring critical conversations are labeling our emotions, reframing them, and becoming more mindful and present to the moment by shutting off the internal narrator in our head.. The Enterprisers Project aspires to publish all content under a Creative Commons license but may not be able to do so in all cases. Many times, theres, you know, married couples or partner couples, particularly with children. Where is this coming from? endobj 11 0 obj /Font << It is very, very, very difficult for anyone to stay in the ring and have a constructive conversation when they feel attacked. Use the search bar below to enter the term you'd like to learn more about to view and access them. /Resources << Dorothy has a masters degree in industrial and organizational psychology from Baruch College. And me just kind of like shifting from one side of that argument to the other. It's when we get very, very polarized and like, No, I will not tolerate this point of view. /Font << Communicating this engagement through your body language will help show your care for the other person and keep tensions low. /XObject << Dorothy has collaborated with clients and organizations to develop and implement high-impact learning solutions that drive results. And also be generous with other people who may not have had the benefit of listening to this podcast or doing the kind of personal growth work that you are so clearly invested in. Because without that honest and courageous reckoning, our relationships will be fractured, and distance will grow. All of that in very literal ways, shuts down and becomes inaccessible to you. We read meaning into their actions or words because of our own issues and background. And finally, to get their cooperation, frame your request in ways they can hear, such as showing them how your request will benefit them, she advises. Having conversations with your partner about some aspect of your sex life that you would like to have be different. We have to be courageous and brave and be the ones that bring difficult things out into the light with the people that we love so that we can have healthier, more connected relationshipsrelationships that are based on authenticity and respect and vulnerability and compassion and connection. At the same time, you have to. stream /TrimBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] Having difficult conversations is an investment in the people you want to have a future with. So, there are so many other little micro-skills that I'd love to give you. Let's go get ice cream. Or something like that. Lastly, if you're in a relationship that is feeling increasingly disconnected due to irreconcilable differences and it feels like you just cannot have a productive, constructive conversation that leads to mutual respect and understanding, it may be time to consider relationship coaching, couples counseling, or family therapy. So, doing some pre-work around, what do I feel? And there's a very well-documented bias in social psychology where when we see other people doing bad things or making bad choices, or experiencing difficulty, we view it as because of character flaws, bad choices. /Font << https://insight-training.co.uk. When you are dealing with a co-worker or situation that challenges you, pause, breathe, and take notice of how it is affecting you. Learn how empathy can help to manage emotions If you cant beat them, join them in a personality assessment, that is. Identify key people in your life and let the rest go. Another idea I'd like to share that is really helpful for many of my clients, both individual clients and also a lot of the couples counseling clients that we work with, is that the goal of any of these conversations is not necessarily agreement. There are so many crucial conversations to have around parentingYou can't talk to me or the children that way, this is not going to work. Or, I mean, my goodness, people who have very well-developed and sometimes even aggressive opinions about politics, social justice, issues around racism, and how to handle those moments in a constructive way. What did they need to be hearing from me in order to feel respected and understood and validated and valued and that they're important to me? I just wanted to mention that as the go-to resource so that I don't have to say it 150 times over the course of this podcast. The idea that this is how we grow. That doesnt make those people bad or difficult, Azulay says. The reality is, most people tend to tiptoe around difficult conversations or engage too aggressively, both of which can damage a relationship. And it's beyond the scope of this podcast. And what do I need to be doing, and not just saying, in order to show them that I care about them and that I love them and appreciate them, even if we have some differences. And getting really clear, too, around what is my desired outcome when we are done talking about this, what would I like to have be different? I highly recommend that teams do personality profiles like Tilt, he says. Like, are you making little faces when other people are talking? There needs to be reciprocity there. The world needs you! But if you have found that those are, let's say, growth opportunities for you, I would refer you to the Happiness Class on growingself.com, which is essentially an online cognitive behavioral skills training course that teaches you what are the kinds of thoughts that will make you feel angry, sad, or anxious. Would I like something to change? Team leads, Managers, Leaders, and all professionals who are looking to use emotional intelligence strategies to manage difficult situations and difficult conversations. /LC 1 But the sad irony is that it's often people's hope to protect their relationship that leads them to avoid difficult but necessary conversations in the first place. Is that my goal? Say: Your comments are hurtful. P.S. These two skills are useful in having difficult conversations and achieving the best outcome. In emotional intelligence terms, we think of apatheia as an aspect of independence, he says. But if you have found that those are, let's say, growth opportunities for you, I would refer you to the. >> And the people with enormous privilege have a much easier time and often take credit for things that are handed to them. This is particularly true in light of the increased levels of stress and sensitivity so many of us are experiencing currently, both in the workplace and at home.

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