my husband is driving my daughter awaycorbin redhounds football state championship

Which is exactly why she wrote in. I mean you describe your partner (who sounds amazing BTW) as cultivating her interests and introducing her to things which doesnt sound like what this dad is doing. So you need to be more encouraging of her spending time with him and stop acting like a little club. Husband treats 15 year old step son badly. We were forced to have shockingly good table manners and we shook hands with adults from the age of three. From one mom to another. Dad was self-centered and pretty vain. Should A Parent Love Their Child More Than Their Spouse? July 2, 2013, 3:55 pm, Damn, this is like the last thing I would think commenters would get all riled up and defensive over , 6napkinburger Obviously the ex spent a lot of time with his family (20 years) as they had a lot of gatherings. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. When children become teenagers, they sometimes start to distance themselves from their parents. It was always classic rock radio in the car, and at home he usually had some background music going, often from his own enormous collection of CDs that included everything from classic rock to blues to zydeco. AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? FIONA SAYS: Gently and with tact, though she's still likely to be upset. I loved how proud and impressed he was when I got the answer right, or parroted back some of his trivia. Surely, they can find a few places where their interests overlap a little bit. Did I always do things he would agree with necessarily? July 2, 2013, 3:46 pm. Maybe not the way it is being done (which Im not sure how that is) but it is possible to make it fun and even do it as a family. Placing a child in the position of having to be loyal to one parent at the expense of the other parent is heinous and very damaging to the child. lets_be_honest I get that it is tough to have her be mad at you sometimes even though you really enjoy the things she does, but that is just part of being a parent, and keeping a healthy marriage. He played the songs over and over and he had albums (and still does) and he would play them and copy them to the cassette so we could listen to them in the car together (pre CD times). Um, Im in my twenties and all my friends like these things. FIONA SAYS: It's never too late to change patterns so long as he's willing. I thought you might like it because of x,y, and z. My first question is, would he want you to go with them when they go camping/hiking/whatever? July 2, 2013, 11:04 am. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. If youre respectful and kind to each other, theyll be more likely to follow suit. When you did actually accurately zero in once in a while, you may have thrived enough on the intermittent reinforcement to hang in for subsequent disappointing rounds. To care for our two young kids. My husband is driving me crazy over my daughters wedding If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendship, depression, sex, consent, what I'm watching, what I'm reading, Black Agate, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at askerin@ravishly.com. Shes all the better for it. July 2, 2013, 3:17 pm. They have their own part to play in the healing of the relationship. So, dont deprive your daughter of the sort of things you learn about life when doing not fun things with one of your parents. I even managed to convince him to watch Firefly (he loves Jayne. MAY THEY DIE IN LOTS OF FIRES. 2. July 2, 2013, 11:46 am. Then she tells me she doesnt wear that anymore and how come I didnt notice? J said the shows and books listed are things mature, intelligent adults like. He(now) jokes that he and my mom missed out on the music of the 80s (and therefore dont know any of it) because they were listening to the wheels on the bus on repeat for the entire decade. July 3, 2013, 12:54 am, Uh oh some you will be called BSLBH. Do they really want intimacy but fear that their need will end up in entrapment? But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. My stepfather and my mother told me I was weird and that Id regret it because Id never be popular or normal, or get boys to like me. This young girl sounds like shes already quite cultured! I was in bed, asleep. He started throwing me out at 13 for reasons like my friend being weird, my hair being weird, my music being terrible, etc. Camping? Older and (hopefully) wiser Theres making a light-hearted joke when something is spilled, and then there is telling your child that what makes her happy is stupid. People who are closed-off in this way often become so as a result of a previous emotional trauma or traumas. I thought The Crucible was awful, but I definitely went to Salem this winter and got really into the witch trials and all the history there. What is arguable? Unfortunately, the old woman fell ill, and Janet had to marry a worthless man in place of her parents' biological daughter to meet the maid's medical expenses. But I agree with everything else you said. Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year. When my family went on vacations as a kid, I didnt get a say in where we went. lets_be_honest Your dad was probably not rolling his eyes and making disparaging remarks about your interests. I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. And if the mom feels this strongly about it and him interrupting them, I would bet that she complains about her husband to her daughter, which is not OK. Sophronisba Making your kids do shit they dont necessarily like a lot is just life. Ha! Even if they like different kinds of books (fantasy vs. history, for example), if they both like to read, Dad can take her to Barnes & Noble and buy her a novel and a cup of coffee. She gets too invested in her daughters life. My parents eventually got divorced, and I actually think without that, I might not have such a good relationship with my father (who I am much more like as an adult than my mother) or the family on his side, because of how my mom made it us against him when I was little. One of my faves is when they all de-evolve into more primitive forms and Worf-monster hunts Picard around the ship. But for practical advice: board games. And he is a loyal friend. Ive never had anyone go, Oh my gawwwwwwd, PL, whyyyyyyyyyy? So insightful! I would suggest, while lending an ear to her feelings about her father, gently suggesting she go to him and tell him, without whining or accusing (I dont know that she does either, but I know that tends to shut people down) how his rejection of her makes her feel. Encourage her to have fun with him. Even now, as an adult, when he says he doesnt care and I can pick whatever, I know that isnt really true I put on say yes to the dress and hell be like, ok, well, not this. You couldnt easily figure out what was going on, and you probably liked the challenge, so you became an eager relationship sleuth, avidly assembling clues that seem to make the next move more predictable. lets_be_honest Now she's asked me to talk to him for her and, the truth is, I'm fed up with her moping and simply don't want to. Cardinals games and all. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. My ex-husband had custody for 6 1/2 years. Then wed throw it back and go back to just hanging out. I do that with everyone I know who likes baseball, which probably makes me annoying, but its what I do. Your husband and your daughter are both geeks at heart, which is encouraging. Do I wish shed made more of an effort to hang out with me sometimes and like the stuff I liked? Also, help them find a mutual interest. painted_lady When I was growing up, I always watched The Andy Grifith Show, My Three Sons, and Leave it to Beaver, because those were the shows that were on, and I love those shows, but my father didnt force me to watch them, it was just what was on TV at the time. July 2, 2013, 11:36 am, I have 2 boys and after a few years of action figure battles, Iron Man and Dr. Doom started going to the mall. Think of it this way: the car insurance typically follows the car, not the driver. Sounds to me like not only is dad not interested in or even bothering to take an interest in any of his daughters interests, but he also disparages them and her calling her uninformed, lacking initiative and uncompetitive and bitches because she isnt more like what he wants her to be like. When I was a child my mom dragged me to countless art museums with my sister. Shouldnt some autonomy be introduced at an appropriate age? I cant think of a single interest that we shared from when I was a teenager that I didnt learn from him in some way. I know that we all love the music from our generation. (Though I do try to find the stuff I like the best of the stuff he likes.) than it is to have fun with them although you should have fun while doing so. But you do so at your husbands expense, your daughters expense, and possibly the expense of your marriage. And its his behavior that is the problem and his behavior that needs to change here. If he simply refuses to see that there is a problem and you continue to feel miserable, I suggest you consider talking things through with a Relate counsellor (relate.org.uk). My husband has driven our children away with his dictatorial behaviour 04 May, 2019 01:00 You need to be gentle but honest with your friend about her crush MY HUSBAND is not an emotional. And yeh I hated going to home depot with my dad but I know a lot more about home maintenance than some people. Your email address will not be published. I inherited a great taste in music from my dad. As a result, she may start to rebel and act out, which can eventually drive her away from her family. For instance my freshman daughter doesn't have a cellphone yet. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. I wanted to read 800 crappy Star Wars novels? One thing that works is to invite a friend along because then she looks forward to the activity and has fun and at the same time she is still interacting with parents. For older adults, taking away their driving privileges can be traumatic and can even cause depression. Seriously, have you heard their new stuff? More my daughter is a student and is not working right now, so i don't have her paying. When I asked why she didn't say something to him then, she said that they only ever talk about college stuff and the moment never seems to be quite right. The idea that you want your husband to now turn into what YOU probably secretly have always wanted him to be a fellow fanboy! I would have been more open to doing different things if I wasnt told that there was something wrong or bad about the interests I did have. I know my father and I did not share a lot of interests when I was growing up I read a lot and was introverted. We still dont have a great relationship, mostly because he is an authoritarian asshole in a lot of other ways, but if he wasnt such a bully and tried to meet my sister and I halfway, we probably wouldnt hate him as much as we do. If she likes Star Trek and Firefly and he likes science they might both like going to a science museum. Youre mad at your dad, not at me! Would have I rather been at the mall or curled up on the couch with a good book? Things like going for ice cream. but this might be the best Ive ever read here. Like my sister loves Elvis, because my parents use to always listen to the Elvis hour on Sundays on the local oldies station, I didnt like Elvis then, so choose not to listen to it, I put my walkman on with Metallica, and Red Hot Chilli Peppers in it. The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire Plus, I gotta say, I dont love ripping into the mom for being Greedy , when it is understandable to want to foster such clearly shared interests with her daughter. When I got to college and met all these kids whod been exposed to more high-brow stuff than I had, I definitely felt like I had to play catch-up to at least even have an opinion on this stuff. He leaves at 5:00 a.m. every morning to support me and our children. My mom put me in ballet because she thought it would be cute, which was fine, but I wish theyd made me do a sport for a while or a musical instrument. Or are they just not able to love without losing themselves? I dont know why the father doesnt like Star Trek, but shows like Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Revolution are all pretty good cross sections of fangirlyness and science. You're surely not alone. Just saying that I dont consider Buffy the Vampire Slayer a mature, intelligent show. First and foremost, of course, is the safety of your children. I thought Wendys first sentence was actually pretty snotty which surprised the heck out of me. How the Courts Respond to Parental Substance Use. On the flip side, my mother was much like LWs husband in that she always encouraged competitiveness and athleticism and things she thought were good. bittergaymark July 2, 2013, 1:26 pm. Youre right, though. The eye-rolling and making the daughter feel bad about her interests is not cool. Yes. lets_be_honest I had and to some extent probably still have some self-esteem issues that stemmed from my dads iffy parenting. See a different horoscope: Select July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm. And with Netflix and Hulu and all that jazz, getting all caught up on Buffy and Firefly and Star Trek and other shows that are ancient history with most of todays teens, is not all that hard. Okay, maybe I wouldnt want my 12 to read that) they could go to a history museum that has exhibits about the War of the Tudors that partially inspired the novels. July 2, 2013, 11:13 am. Ive been there. She may not be interested in that stuff NOW, but it can sure come in handy later. The dad cant have it both ways being rude while demanding respect and attention. FWIW, I didnt get that vibe either, Fabelle. I think hes going a little too far if hes making disparaging comments about her personality, but I absolutely hate baseball, and if I married a guy who loved it and we had a son who was obsessed, I know that Id be rolling my eyes at them. If the father wants his daughter to respect his interests, then he needs to be the adult and show her how adults should behave and respect hers. He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. 'My husband is a terrible driver. Maybe shell end up in the entertainment industry, or become a writer. lets_be_honest because I think that as the teen years progress you will need some better strategies to deal with the 2 strong personalities that surround you. Its important to remember that it is not always your fault if your partner and child dont get along. My daughter and I are a lot like you and yours. He may feel like hes being left out or that he isnt good enough for his daughter. And my dad is so crazy into going to my games Walter said he was yelling his head off at the last one. Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. They gave me a mixtape with a whole bunch of different Beatles on it, and I am still a huge Beatles fan to this day. I honestly think both parents are at fault. Husbands can inadvertently drive their daughters away by overstepping boundaries, being too critical, or taking on too much control. I never did the gross stuff either. Unless you are from PA, of course. I mean, you cant FORCE a kid to like camping. Expect my son to mediate a dispute between my daughter-in-law and myself. It seems way more acceptable to be a nut for sports but if you watch Buffy? I was trying to figure out how to phrase it. Oh, how fun for all three of you to just sit around endlessly for hours while the dvd player spins Buffy endlessly And then, next, comes Angel! Crazy-makers often give up the love they most desperately need when they feel any sense of an obligatory payback. He can take care of himself." Like many women,. July 3, 2013, 3:53 am, Music or even musical pop icons was, curiously, NEVER mentioned specifically by the LW. Because my dad took the time to foster this in me, it has not only made my relationship with him stronger, but with others as well. My husband is a HUGE Firefly fanboy. And for your husband to expect your daughter to have more than your own vapid interests, REALLY doesnt make him a bad parent. Then stress that it's not too late to re-engage with his with family, the solution lies with him. My mistake then we read the play and watched the movie, and they went NUTS for the story. At a certain point isnt parenting about teaching your children to be healthy, functioning adults not just robots who do what they are told? Well-intentioned, devoted partners of crazy-making people can become obsessed with trying to find the magic potion that will make their partners happy and appreciative of their efforts. But am I mad at her now? Twelve year old take everything personally, so if hes saying I hate your favorite book, its so annoying, shes probably hearing, Youre stupid for liking that, even when its not what he means. Hes got to find ways to connect his interests with hers. Unfortunately for your husband, its not as easy for him to nurture his relationship with his adolescent daughter and rather than helping him and by extension, your daughter create a closer parent-child bond, you seem to be almost delighting in the Us Against Him mentality you share with your daughter (we look forward to him traveling so we wont have to tiptoe around him, etc.). Theres forcing your kids to do something outside of their comfort zone, normal range of interests which I am ok with and then theres refusing to listen to music in the car EVER? You dont have to be your daughters fellow geek and her best friend to have a good relationship. My husband has a son from a previous relationship and my husband treats him sooo badly. I get that maybe he feels like an alien within you & daughters girl bubble, but the way to fix that is not to strong-arm her into liking National Geographic. He was much kinder to them.) Though of course, there are ways to encourage a daughter to experience some parts of being a teenage girl which also are good (like trying to get them to go to at least one sporting event in high school if they have someone to go with, trying to get them to ask one person out on a date, to invite one person over to hang out, etc.) Hopefully, when he sees that it's his entire family that is worried, he'll see that change is needed. I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. She wasnt responding to the father though. Roll your eyes!?! Particularly this, Help her see the best side of her dad, even if hes sometimes making it difficult. Im sure BOTH the LW ~and~ her husband could benefit from those. The kids moved away first then the ex followed them Needless to say visits with his kids are rare. In the Summer of 1993 when I was 12 I went through a serious Tom Petty phase and my dad LOVED it. We try to make it fun and do it as a family (not go to your room and read 3 Nat Geo articles and I want a full report) and often make games of it. So, here is the thing. Did we always get along? We garden and cook together, and sometimes share favorite TV shows. You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here. I said that she is acting like she has nothing in common with her husband anymore, because she likes the samethings as her daughter, and that is all she ever talks about. LWs daughter should definitely be involved with some enriching activities, but theres no harm at all in loving media. Unless its, you know, the lastest Madonna tour or album . The episode where Picard experiences an entire lifetime with a wife, children, grandchildren etc. July 2, 2013, 1:18 pm, Um, both piano recitals and spelling bees are CONSTRUCTIVE activities Fangirling? I was just trying to say basically the same thing, but it got all garbled. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. . You might have started asking yourself, Is this person taunting me on purpose? Older and (hopefully) wiser If everybody liked the same things, the world would be rather boring. He's always putting him down. Get out the frying pan. Can Someone Else Drive My Car? | American Family Insurance - amfam.com Why Does Your Daughter Wants You To Leave Your Husband? But my parents both made an effort to do lots of family things together, even if my brother and I didnt want to. Maybe they have communicated about this many times, but obviously there havent been any results yet! Shes not talking about the Kardashians, but is talking about shows/books that mature, intelligent adults like. No. Her mission is to share practical and realistic parenting advice to help the parenting community becoming stronger. I had loving parents, and I thought Wendy was off and the dad seems a bit off and sounds degrading. Did nobody notice this in the OPs letter? No. She tells me what her favorite scent is, so I buy it for her for her birthday. She asks me to tell her how much I love her regularly, so I do. 6napkinburger Adult Children Living at Home Driving You Crazy - Empowering Parents Well, I feel like I may offer a different perspective on this. I would let him know that you are going to encourage her to hangout with him more, but he needs to also every once in a while do something she loves. AITA for not driving my wife to our son's wedding since I'm not invited? But that he made the effort to give me my interests. lets_be_honest It is best to talk with a counselor or therapist if you believe there is serious dysfunction in your marriage. Im just saying that indicates very little to me. And then, the next morning, he was an angel and brought me coffee in bed. I have to just try harder.. And that if he continues to do so, he risks damaging these relationships still further. July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm. Also, seriously, have you been on Tumblr? Ostensibly through her mother. Addie Pray Seriously, this guy is an asshole. A my worldview is the best worldview type of parenting works out for no one, as my mother found out. But you seem to have past that point long ago) Just as your husband has tried to cultivate in her his interests. His dad wasnt a particularly avid fisherman, he just thought it would be a good father-son activity. bittergaymark These 8 tips are from my experience and may point out things you probably don't know are pushing your husband away and destroying your marriage. I helped with yard work. Um, no. Others say no because the spouse is the one person who will always be there for you, no matter what. July 2, 2013, 4:32 pm.

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